


One with the Force

by sorion



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: As Adam Driver would call it: "sentimental", Character Study, Developing Relationship, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 13:39:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13214898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorion/pseuds/sorion
Summary: They were both wrong. The Jedi and the Sith. But even in a world without teachers, one still has to learn.





	One with the Force

**Author's Note:**

> I'm glad to at least end this sorry excuse of a year on a high note and play a little with the gorgeous gift we've been given for Christmas... ;)  
> This story is not what I expect IX to be like. I fully expect a complete redemption for Ben Solo, and to get there, he will have to face a lot, but he will not fall. But I'm going to leave that to the professionals and keep the "sentimental" stuff for myself.

The first few hours were fine. The hours of elation, reunions, and _hope_ were an adrenaline rush, lifting burdens off tense shoulders and letting her breathe more easily, despite the niggling sensation of not everything being fine, of something important being missing. Even facing the General didn't hurt too much, even if the pain in her brown eyes was achingly familiar.  
No, it was when the quiet came, when exhaustion caught up with her and she fell asleep. That was when it started.

She shifted back into wakefulness after barely three hours, the tail end of a dream tugging at her consciousness, urging her to remember something, realise something. Something important, boring into her soul... A door closing...  
She woke with a gasp, sat up straight, and the breath that had come so easily to her before, now shredded painfully through her.

It was still there.

"No," she denied the truth she would have known, had she still paid attention the day before. At a time when she had been too elated by daring escapes, it had escaped her notice that she should not have been able to see Ben Solo again.  
"Can't be," she whispered. "Snoke is dead..." And yet... She _had_ seen Ben Solo, clear as day, and he had seen her. She could still feel the string tied fast to her core and pulling inwards, knowing that its counterpart did the same thing.

Panicked, she jumped out of her cot, looking around in the sombre room, almost expecting to see him. But then, what she felt wasn't the shift in the force or the cackle on her skin that made her hairs stand on end or the pop in her ears. None of the signs that she had a... visitor. Just her core, vibrating with a bond that should have dissolved with its maker, and was instead now throbbing with the choking pain of betrayal, disappointment, and... the taste of honey that had been turned bitter by the realisation that her vision had not been shared.

It had not dissolved. It was there, humming behind her breastbone, like the Force had hummed between them when they fought side by side. She pressed her hand against her chest, lessening the burn of her painful gasps. Her eyes filled with water that did not spill, and a part of her wanted for _him_ to appear so that she could scream out her anger and hurt at the one person causing it. The other part barely dared to breathe too loudly, lest anyone on the Falcon were to hear her and ask her what was wrong.

The absurdity of the image of her trying to explain to someone what was wrong softened the worst edges of her pain. That she was tied to Kylo Ren by the Force, that they'd talked, shared thoughts, and fought together, only for everything to go wrong – as she was sure everyone would tell her was inevitable anyway – was insane. She could hear their voices, mingling.

_'What were you **thinking** , Rey?'_

She hadn't been thinking. During the time of forced and unwanted companionship, she had found a kindred spirit, someone to make her feel less lonely, someone to understand. And then it had turned out that their spirits were not quite that kindred, after all. That her vision of Ben Solo by her side was nothing but a trick, manipulated into existence by that foul and rotten Snoke who still had power over her even after his death.

She sat back down on her cot, the moment of that death still so clear in her mind; just a tiny blink in time, in which everything she could have ever hoped for was within reach. Before it shattered.

She lay down on her side and finally allowed grief to take her, tears coming, and sobs being liberated from deep inside her. Whom or what she was grieving, she could barely name.

~

Come morning, she had calmed and merely looked tired, something nobody questioned. They all looked tired. But she was no longer in the middle of the activity; she was at the brink of it. The resistance was reorganising, regrouping, and currently hiding in the planetary equivalent of an outer rim water hole. The news of the unexpected strike against the First Order, executed by Vice-Admiral Holdo, had spread, finally reaching allies, recognising the sign as the much-needed beacon of hope that it was. Things were... finally shifting, somewhat.

On the one hand, this less urgent situation gave Rey the time to try and put her thoughts in order. On the other hand, it gave her time to _think_ , time and quiet to feel a tug within her that, in retrospect, had always been there, and that had been made so much stronger since that foul and rotten bastard had tampered with it. And the longer she thought about it, the more convinced she was that while Snoke may have used her bond, he hadn't created it. She couldn't decide whether that was better or infinitely worse than all of it having been nothing but a twisted projection.

It took her a few days before she had to admit that she couldn't spend too much time among her friends before her thoughts would drift and someone was bound to notice. She loved them dearly, but she didn't know what to tell them, how to join in their talks and jokes and stories.  
Chewie knew one part of her story, and he had to promise her up and down that he wouldn't tell anyone. Chewie, whose own feelings about Ben Solo were as conflicted as hers and probably only surpassed by Leia's. She could always see the sadness in his eyes, as he saw it in hers.  
Finn was infinitely precious to her, as was the new light of optimism in his life. Rose always made Rey smile; it was hard to remain glum in the face of such a fiery spirit that would never lose hope. And where would they all be without hope?  
Just as fiery in his own way was the infamous Poe who had no qualms whatsoever to drag Rey out of a melancholic stupor if he thought it was warranted. It was hard not to smile at him too.

But most of the time, she simply... couldn't. She couldn't. And her makeshift solution to that was to start tinkering in the Falcon, because there was always something to tinker with, and she could fix things without having to think about it. It was almost meditative, though more often than not, she caught herself staring at whatever panel she was working on, lost in thought.

Sometimes, she could feel him, almost as if he were with her, but when she turned to look, there was nothing. She knew he could still feel their connection as well, that much was clear from the badly concealed frustration, fear, and tentative curiosity filtering through. Occasionally, the ribbons of the bond felt like a hammock, and she could sense both of them lean into it to just breathe...

~

A month passed, and she only sporadically emerged from her isolation, the desperate confusion having settled into an occasionally painful and bittersweet memory. That meant she now also heard the rumours about the First Order, and how the intelligence trickling down the mill of spies spoke of... disquiet. So far, Kylo Ren being the Supreme Leader was nothing but an unconfirmed whisper, and whenever it came up, Rey quickly searched the General's eyes, only to avert her gaze again immediately.

*

When it finally happened, it was a relief more than anything. Rey had just crawled out of the bowels of the Falcon and sat on the floor in the otherwise empty ship, drinking from a water bottle and leaning against a wall. Then, with no other warning, a shiver ran through her, and the fine hairs on her arms stood, as if the ship was flying through an ion storm, all sounds but her breathing were drowned out.  
Her breath caught and shuddered, and she fought the immediate impulse to turn her head to the left with everything she had.

Instead, she took a deep, steadying breath. "Hello, Ben." She turned her head, and he was standing there, looking frustrated and trying to suppress it.

"Why is this still happening to us?" he demanded to know without preamble, taking a step forward.

Rey remained seated and merely returned the look. "Haven't you figured it out yet? It's all there."

"It wasn't real," he insisted firmly. "It was Snoke-"

Rey snorted, interrupting him. "Snoke?" she scoffed. "The _all-powerful_ Snoke? The one who could control you and foresee your every move? That one?" Ah. There was the anger. She stood, making Ben take a step back again. "He was nothing but putrid, manipulative scum who used you for a power he could only dream of!" Her throat constricted, and she had to swallow against the lump. Her voice was a low growl when she managed to continue, "He wasn't strong enough to create something like this." Her vision blurred, and she force back the tears. "He can't have it. It's mine. It's always been mine."

Ben looked lost only for a moment, then his jaw set. "It can't be real."

Rey rubbed her eyes free of the traitorous tears that had escaped and sighed. "Go away, Ben"  
When she opened her eyes again, he was gone... 

... and in the open door stood his mother.

Rey nearly jumped out of her skin, her hand flying to her mouth, her eyes wide. "General... I..." Well. What, exactly?

Leia steadied herself against the wall, her other hand resting on her chest. She slowly moved closer.  
"He was here." It wasn't a question, and Rey's eyes widened further.

"You... could see him?"

The pain in Leia's eyes was almost unbearable to witness. "No, I could just sense something." She tilted her head, studying Rey. "But you can see him."

"Not always," she admitted, unable to lie in the face of so much tortured love. "And not for a while."  
As she was sorting her thoughts into words to say to the mother of the very man to shake her so thoroughly to the core, it crashed down over her. All of it. Hating him, understanding him, needing him, missing him... and then hating him and needing him all over again. Her knees buckled, and she slid to the floor, sobbing.

When gentle arms cradled her, she sagged into the embrace shamelessly, letting the careful hand card through her hair.

"Rey... I get the feeling that you've kept a heavy burden to yourself," Leia said, her tone both warm and sardonic. "Perhaps it's time that you tell someone what really happened."

And for the first time, she did, though there were still things too painful to think about, never mind voicing aloud.

~

That night, she slept soundly, both because of the burden she got to share and because... it was a shameful relief that she now had proof again that the bond was truly still there.

~

He came back two days later when Rey was outside, sitting on a rocky ground between sparse trees and watching insects fly.

Like always, she could sense him before she saw him.

"If what you say is true," he began a conversation that he had obviously been having with himself for a while, "the initial question remains. Why is the Force connecting us?"

Rey kept her eyes on the fluttering insects in front of her. "Sit down, you're making me nervous."

After the briefest hesitation, he did as she asked. "So?" he demanded. "You must have thought about it."

"I have," she said, finally turning her head to look at him. "Your guess is as good as mine." She sighed and stared ahead again. "I thought the ancient Jedi texts I stole from the first Jedi temple would help, but I can't read them."

She could hear the amusement in his voice when he answered, "You stole the ancient texts?"

Rey frowned. "Well, he wasn't going to use them, was he?" she defended herself. The soft chuckle from her side that followed made her peek at him. It was barely visible, but there was a hint of a mischievous smile.

"I'm not blaming you. I agree." The smile disappeared. "Luke never wanted the position he had and the power it held. That's why he never learned what to do with it." He clearly thought of his training, where a master who could understand power dynamics might not have panicked.

Rey, on the other hand thought of something else. "You would know. You killed Snoke for power."

He turned his body so abruptly to face her that she couldn't but mirror his position. He stared at her with open shock.  
"That is why you think I killed him?" Perhaps it wasn't just shock, but an inkling of the betrayal he had felt when he had realised that Rey wouldn't stay with him. "You were there, and you think I killed him for power?" he asked incredulously.

Rey almost felt guilty. At the time, she certainly hadn't thought Ben's actions had anything to do with power, but now... Well. "Didn't you?" she challenged, raising her chin.

He narrowed his eyes before averting his gaze. "No," he said firmly. "I didn't."

Rey didn't say anything else, she just watched the badly concealed emotions flicker over Ben's face. No wonder he had always worn a mask if he was so easy to read.

"But I ended up with it anyway, and I took it," he concluded matter-of-factly. "Because I believed that power would let me make things right."

Rey could only imagine what kind of a mess Ben had had on his hands once he was found in the throne room, Snoke and his guards in heaps on the floor among burning and smoking debris.  
"I'd apologise for the way I left you on Snoke's ship, but then you did suggest I kill all my friends and stay with you."

"A miscalculation on my part."

"Yes," agreed emphatically.

"I should have known that you still cling to the past."

Rey stared at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Me? _You're_ the one rummaging around in the ashes of the Empire, seeking nothing but power or... or..." What had Leia said? "Chasing the shadow of your grandfather who was probably nothing like you imagine at all!"

Ben narrowed his eyes at her. "You spoke to my mother."

"So what if I did?" she asked defiantly. "I've now heard your side and hers and Luke's. I'm not saying what you told me isn't true, but that's only one side of the truth, isn't it?"

"One side?" Ben scoffed. "Did Luke teach you that? That truth depends on a certain point of view?"

"No. Why would he have to? It's obvious."

"So who do you believe? Them or me?"

Rey stared him down. "Both."

"If you truly believed me, you wouldn't," he contradicted bitterly.

"I believe that you never lied to me," she said, and she meant it.

Ben raised a challenging eyebrow. "And do you think Luke never lied to you?"

Rey wanted to say that of course he wouldn't, but... She lowered her eyes for a moment. "Perhaps there were omissions."

"I never did that either, you know. I always told you where I stand and what I think."

Rey sent him a sarcastic look. "While I do appreciate that, you kind of have other failings." She expected him to shoot back that they were only failings in her mind, but he remained silent for a long while.

"I could probably read those texts you stole."

Rey scoffed. "Well, I'm not telling you where we are. Which means we are at an impasse. Again."

"So we are," he agreed softly with a look that might have been fond if he had been anyone else.

They held the other's eyes, before they turned as one to stare ahead. Rey at buzzing insects and Ben at... whatever it was he saw.

Then the connection released its hold.

*

Kylo remained in his chambers, staring out the viewport at the passing stars. He had the feeling that whatever Rey had been looking at was more relaxing. It had felt as if she'd been outdoors.

He could still feel the bitter tug behind his ribcage at her suggestion that she considered more than his truth to be true. He remembered being sent away when everyone had started being scared of him. He remembered waking up to the glowing green of his uncle's sabre, ready to kill him in his sleep.

How could Rey believe that there was more to the truth than that?

Angrily, he got to his feet and returned to his desk. He had been working on battle formations when the _call_ had come. He thought he might as well put some more effort into that. The stars knew that Hux couldn't be trusted with such trivialities. All the man ever believed in was superior power, which he would gain by stronger weapons and the training of more and more drones in white helmets.

Kylo scoffed. All the power didn't save Snoke, and all their _'exceptionally trained'_ soldiers were no match for a single cruiser jumping to light speed.

Hux, like his soldiers, was a drone, unable to do any creative or unconventional thinking. It was pitiful.  
And Snoke? Snoke had been blind to anything but his own goals, and it had cost him his scrawny neck.

He remembered the man's death. He dreamed of it. Not because of what ended, but of what, for only a moment, he believed was beginning.

He remembered the Force singing between him and Rey, a perfect unity. Only for reality to be... 

His throat twitched, and he shook off the unwanted thought. It served no purpose.

*

Rey stayed out of the politics of the Resistance, but she did start flying more. It kept her busy and her mind on a tangible goal.

She saw Ben every now and again. They never talked about anything significant, and though Ben must have had all he ever wanted, Rey could still sense the struggle within him. Some part of him that was searching. Their shared loneliness was the common ground on which they spent their private hours of ceasefire. Rey felt almost bad to admit that she still felt lonely, despite having friends who cared deeply for her. Nobody quite understood what was inside of her; not even Luke could quite grasp it, and what he had seen had frightened him. The General had an open ear whenever Rey needed one, but Rey didn't take her up on her offers of companionship often. Rey would regularly confirm to Leia that, yes, her son was still alive, but other than that, the only one who could understand what was inside her and what she shared with Ben was, well, Ben.

Sometimes she wondered if he was as lost as she was. She often unconsciously toyed with the tendrils of their bond as if it was a strand of hair. Just sensing it, enjoying the texture and familiar tug, even if it didn't open between them. There was light and darkness, both. Neither overpowering the other... and neither coming only from one end. The darkness didn't feel like the one coming from Snoke or like the kind that Luke had warned her of. It felt more like the darkness that had engulfed her on Ahch-To; a dark cradle to rest the mind and to wait for the light to rise once more in the morning. It was not consuming or... corrupting. It was as much interwoven with her core as the light.

Sometimes she wondered if Ben felt that too, but she didn't dare ask. She didn't think she could bear another discussion about the dark side and the light side and one of them turning. She would not succumb to the dark. She couldn't. There was nothing to succumb _to_.

"Why kill the past?" she did ask him one day. "It will always make way for the present if you wait long enough."

"It can hold you back," was the philosophical answer.

Rey nodded absently. "But if you're strong enough and settle into who you are, it can't touch you anymore, can it?"

"And if you're not strong enough, doing away with what once was might give you that strength."

Rey shook her head. "I don’t believe that. If you kill the past before you've learned to grow beyond it, it will cling to you like ashes on sweaty skin."  
She felt more than saw the shiver run through Ben's body.  
"But Ben," she added and turned to look at him. "You _are_ strong enough."

It startled him out of the bond, leaving Rey behind.

She had to smile a bit. She could feel how surprised he was to hear nothing but truth in her voice when she called him strong enough. It was almost absurd. He was one of the most powerful men in galaxy, and yet he didn't believe in his own strength. Or perhaps his own worth.

*

The next time Kylo Ren got a visitor, he was in a war room and let a handful of spies present their findings on where Resistance activities were assumed to take place. (He was less than impressed with their so-called _'intelligence'_.)  
And the visitor was not Rey...

"Did you ever spare a thought to what you'll do when you find their hideout?" his uncle's voice called out from beside him, and Kylo flinched so hard, he almost dropped the holo he was holding.

His head whipped around, and there indeed was Luke Skywalker, in all his dead and glowing glory.

"Easy, kid. You wouldn't want your underlings to think you're off your rocker, would you?"

Kylo scratched together every last shred of self-control he had ever possessed and laid down the holo, standing straight and looking at his spies. "Come back when you actually have something of value if you want to get paid," he growled and stalked out of the room. He expected to be followed, and he was nod disappointed.

He closed the door to his quarters behind himself, and Luke waited for him.

"What do you want?"

"What I just said, basically," Luke said and shrugged, a benign smirk playing around his lips. "Those are third-rate spies at best that you have in your employ," he added, nodding towards where the war room was they'd been in earlier, "you're not even really trying..."

"It's hardly my fault that I can't get anyone to find me decent information."

Luke still smirked. "So, let's say you find her. What are you going to do? Kill her like you yelled at me on Crait?" He chuckled. "Please. Even you don't believe that anymore."

Kylo just frowned at him, not deigning that with a reply.

"If not that, what do you think you're doing?" Luke pushed.

"What business is that of yours? I've not been your business since you tried to murder me in my sleep!"

"Don't be so melodramatic, I wouldn't have killed you. That thought didn't last any longer than it took you to turn around."

"Is that the lie you told Rey?" he demanded to know.

"It's not a lie. I'm ashamed of my moment of weakness, but I'm not lying."

"Is that why you're here? To say you're sorry again?" He huffed. "You already tried that."

"Oh, no, no..." Luke said whimsically. "I'm retired and have nothing but time, so I decided to visit the family."

"And now you can leave," Kylo told him.

Luke's almost mischievous expression softened as he took in all of his nephew, seeing something hidden from the eyes of the living. "If only I could have seen what I see now when I was alive." He sighed. "Things would have been a lot easier."

"What are you talking about?" He bit out when he couldn't hold back his curiosity, despite himself. A shiver ran down his spine at the penetrating blue gaze.

"I always knew you were powerful, but not my Skywalker blood and not my training enabled me to see what's inside of you. I never saw the core of effervescent potential as I see it now, and for that I am truly sorry."

Kylo scoffed. "Are you going to tell me now how there's still good in me and that I should turn to the light side? Is that why you've come?"

Luke smiled ruefully. "I don’t think the light side quite suits you, does it?"

Kylo frowned at the unexpected comment.

"And you're not the only one..." Luke paused – purely for dramatic effect, Kylo was sure – before he added the second half of his statement. "She's really close to figuring it out, you know. Mostly untainted by light and dark teachings as she is..." he concluded self-deprecatingly.

"Rey," the name came without a conscious thought.

Luke nodded. "I don't think you're quite there yet, but you _should_ think about what you want to do. We both know you wouldn't harm her if you had her in your grasp, and there's always the chance that she doesn't die at your hand but through something that you set in motion."

Kylo's frown deepened, but before he could make a scathing remark, he was alone again.

"You haven't changed a bit!" he yelled into the silence. "Your comments are as useless as they ever were!"

He felt a bit better after having yelled, but in the silence of his own mind he had to admit... that he truly didn't know what he would do if he ever captured Rey, or if, the stars forbid, something were to happen to her during a battle.

He found out what would happen in one of those scenarios much sooner than he would have liked.

*

Rey woke with a throbbing headache, groaned when she turned to her side, and then grunted painfully when she fell off the bunk she'd been lying on and onto the hard, metal floor.

It wasn't the pain that finally cleared her head; it was the unfamiliar surroundings. She pushed herself upright and dragged herself back onto the bunk, her eyes darting around the bare walls.  
She knew she needn't have bothered. She was in a First Order holding cell. Anyone else who might have been interested in locking her up these days were bounty hunters. And bounty hunters' vessels didn't have this kind of sterile feel to it.

Her head was as fuzzy-edged as the cell was not, and she tried to focus on what had happened to her to end up here...

Oh, yes. A simple reconnaissance mission on the Falcon with Chewie, searching for a good location for a new base. Obviously, the location they'd been inspecting was not viable...

She rubbed her head and thought harder. Someone had sold them out, and then... They'd got separated, and Chewie'd been hiding in a village. Rey could only think about how she needed to protect everyone, so she'd jumped on the Falcon, set off a distress signal, and attempted to lead the First Order away from the planet... Then there had been a deep clanking sound, darkness surrounding the ship, and then a heavy lurch and nothing.

"Shit."

Well. She _had_ wondered what would happen if Ben ever managed to catch her again. Provided that he even knew she was here, and he wasn't off giving conquering orders or whatever it was that Supreme Leaders did. Perhaps he wouldn't even want to face her and would just give the order to kill her straight away.

It didn't scare her, that thought. It just saddened her, but when she could hear hurried steps walking away from her cell only for someone to start tinkering with the console outside, she tensed up. Not being afraid of death obviously didn't mean she would go without a fight.

When the hydraulics of the door hissed as it opened and revealed Ben Solo standing in the light that the square frame let into the cell, Rey couldn't form a single, coherent thought, except that he had never looked less like the Supreme Leader, or any leader at all. He looked harried and agitated.

"Come on, let's go," he hissed, gesturing with his hand for her to stand and come with him. "They won't stay away for long."

Her frozen limbs thawed in an instant, and she was by his side before she made the conscious decision.

He grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the cell, then pushed her close to the wall. The door slid closed behind them, and he quickly entered an intricate locking sequence into the panel.  
He took hold of her arm again and looked around before pulling her with him.  
"This way. Hurry."

They disappeared around a corner, he let go of her arm to kneel on the floor, and – after another quick look to both sides – ripped a panel off the wall as quietly as he could. The opening behind it was only just large enough that someone could slide in, lying down.

He nodded towards it. "Get in."

Rey still didn't question his words and did as she was asked. This would have to stop soon, because her blind trust did have limits.  
She was pleased to discover that the space behind the wall was larger than it had appeared. She slid half a body-length down and stood in a narrow maintenance corridor, filled with pipes and chutes.

He followed her immediately and pulled the grilled panel back into place, looking out.

Rey could hear the steps that had left earlier return and assumed that it was her guards. After a moment, Ben released the breath he'd been holding.

"They won't know you've left until someone sends for you," he whispered. He turned and walked away. "We must get you to your ship before that happens."

For a few heartbeats, Rey didn't move, then she hurried after him.  
"Ben, why are you doing this?" she burst out, her voice as low as his.

"While I do enjoy our philosophical discussions," he replied, not stopping or turning around, "we really don't have the time for one right now."

Rey decided that he'd better make just that much time and grabbed his upper arm to make him turn around. She didn't say a word and just stared at him with a stare that she hoped conveyed her unwillingness to let her question slide.

Ben set his jaw and pursed his lips, as if it was physically painful to answer Rey's question.  
"I can't let him kill you," he finally forced out. Then he pulled his arm out of her hold and turned to go. "And I can't show too much interest in your fate, or Hux would get suspicious. He's already lobbying against me." He huffed. "Not that he's realised yet that I know."

"So instead you break me out?" She grabbed his arm again.

Reluctantly, Ben stopped to look at her. "I told him I wasn't interested in what happens to you, so he decided he wants to oversee your execution personally to make sure you're dead. He'll be back in about half an hour. Can we get you to the Falcon before that happens, perhaps?"

Rey let go of his arm and couldn't quite hide her smile. "Lead the way."

"You'll note that was what I was doing..." he remarked sardonically, making her snort.

"And you'll note that we wouldn't be in this situation if you hadn't given the order for my capture."

"I didn't! I had no idea you were there."

"That's splitting hairs, and you know it!" she hissed when they passed by another row of grilled panels with feet on the other side.

He swivelled around to stare at her. "It was your decision to join the Resistance."

Unafraid (probably inadvisable so), she smacked his arm, making him glower at her some more. "If the First bloody Order didn't do what it does, there wouldn't _be_ a Resistance!"

He took a step closer. "No. Time. For philosophical discussions," he reminded her firmly, then he kneeled down and opened a hatch to climb though.

Rey followed and for a moment frowned when she couldn't immediately see him on the other side and there was only a seemingly unending abyss of metal. Then she heard the clang to her feet, and she followed Ben once more, this time down a ladder.

When they had solid ground under their feet again, several decks lower, Ben was still frowning.  
"What possessed you to fly with the Falcon anyway?" he demanded to know angrily, opened a chute, climbed through, and walked ahead, not waiting to see if Rey followed. "It's a piece of junk and not exactly inconspicuous."

Rey scowled at his back. "I like it!" she snapped.

Ben waited next to a panel, ready to take it off. "And now I have to send you away in it, not knowing if it'll even start and not just splutter and die."

"Your concern for my wellbeing is heart-warming," she let him know dead-pan.

"I'm here, aren't?" he shot back. "And I'd rather not have a stupid move like this one be for naught."  
He removed the panel and peered out.

Rey moved to stand next to him and looked in the same direction. At the other end of the corridor to the left, she could see how it opened into the hangar. The Falcon was standing there with two guards in front of it.  
She studied Ben's face from the side, watched his eyes take in every detail to make the last hundred or so metres as safe for her as possible.  
"Ben..." she said softly, and he turned to look at her. "Thank you."

He gave a jerky nod and looked away, visibly uncomfortable. "Yes, well. The next time you do something so stupid, I won't save you again." Closing the topic for himself, he moved to climb out of the maintenance chute, but her hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Come with me," she blurted out, unable to hold it back and swallowed. "Don't make me leave you here..."

A tiny benign smirk played around his lips. "Again, you mean?"

Rey half sobbed, half huffed a laugh, her eyes blurring. Two tears escaped when Ben shook his head. 

"I'm not ready yet," was the elliptical answer. He perked up when he heard something and moved to peer out once more. "And you have no more time. That's Hux's shuttle. You need to go now!"  
He climbed out, and she followed. Then he manoeuvred her to the other side of the narrow corridor and behind a small ledge.

"How do I get past them?" she asked. "You can't go out there to distract them. They'll know you had something to do with the escape."

"Stormtroopers aren't the most brilliant minds," he said dryly. "If they were to, say, hear a sound coming from behind those crates," he pointed at crates not far from the Falcon, "they'll go investigate and leave the door unguarded."  
He spread his fingers to cause said ruckus, when Rey took a hold of his hand. His jaw set, and he refused to look at her. "You really do need to go," he said, trying and mostly failing to make it sound firm.

"Ben."

Reluctantly, he returned her look.

She held it tightly with wide, honest eyes. "I have spent most of my life waiting," she reminded him, trying to find the right words to express what was on her mind. In her heart. She wasn't going to make demands or list conditions. But she couldn't leave without giving him something in return.  
"And I will wait for you, Ben Solo."

One part of him desperately wanted to believe her, while the other simply didn't know what to do with such a statement. Nobody had ever trusted him enough to let him make his own choice, while merely offering an open hand for him to take or not.

Rey saw the incredulity flicker through his dark eyes and smiled a bit. Then, to ensure that he would take her words seriously, she framed his face and pressed her lips to his. It was less a kiss than it was a seal burned into her promise, and he understood its meaning.

He granted himself the indulgence of looking into her eyes for a moment longer before he nodded once and firmly, waiting for her to return the nod. Then he lifted his hand, Rey could hear a clanging sound from behind the crates near the Falcon... and then her path was clear.

She sent him one last look and ran.

*

Rey's debrief was long and arduous, and she was exhausted half-way through. By the end of it, she could barely keep her eyes open.

"Tea?" the General asked, once they were alone.

"To be honest, I'd rather just go to bed," Rey replied, feeling the fatigue in every bone of her body.

"I have tea that'll help you sleep. Otherwise, you'll quickly fall asleep, only to wake in a few hours, tossing and turning and unable to get some decent rest." The sardonic glint in her friendly eyes were so much like her son's that Rey was unable to decline her offer.

"Alright. Just one cup can't hurt."

Leia went through the almost therapeutic motions of preparing tea and remarked casually, "That was quite the daring escape. You were lucky." There was no accusation or even question in her voice, but to Rey there might as well have been.

"I had help," she finally admitted what she had kept to herself in front of the others and watched Leia's reaction closely.

Leia's hands stopped only for a few seconds before she returned to stirring the tea, never taking her eyes off the task.  
"How is he?"

"He's..." – the Supreme Leader of everything they fought against – "... well. He's well."

Leia nodded, pain and relief radiating off her in palpable waves.

"I think he even made a joke or two," Rey added, not really knowing why. "Or he tried to anyway." She smiled involuntarily at the memory of the cutting and dry comments.

Leia brought two teas to the table and sat. "His humour seems to work on you..."

Rey took the offered cup. "Thank you."

Leia's fond smile faded a bit. "I'm worried about you," she admitted.

"Why?"

"I'm worried that you, like me, will hold onto a shred of hope that will never lead anywhere."

Rey still smiled. "And where would we be without hope?"

Leia sighed, and her lips curled in an ironic little smile. "Probably not better off."

Rey laughed a bit. "I'm not worried," she said, meaning it. "One way or another, the Force connects us." Her smile widened when she let her core move along the constant low and warm hum. "And nobody can take that away from us. Not even him."

Leia briefly closed her eyes before she opened them again and reached for one of Rey's hands.

They finished their tea in silence, and later, alone in her quarters, Rey hadn't slept as soundly in weeks.

*

Sleep hadn't been as elusive to Ben in weeks. It had been immensely satisfying to shove Hux's incompetence in his face loudly and repeatedly, how he had let the girl escape simply because he wouldn't have her killed outright. Ben had elegantly avoided any suspicion and reverted all the blame. It had... gone well.

That wasn't what kept him awake, however. 

It was the thought that he would have killed Hux without missing a beat if Rey had come to harm... It was knowing that, when he'd told Rey that he wasn't _ready_ , it had been the truth, however little he understood the reason for it. It was the vision that had flashed before his eyes when their lips touched.

It was the same vision he'd seen before. The two of them, standing side by side, equals, strong and balanced. Though, this time, he had seen more than just their forms; he saw their surroundings. And they weren't standing with the First Order like he'd assumed the first time he'd seen it. And neither were they with the Resistance. He could sense how at peace they both were, one with the Force and the galaxy, without opposing forces clawing at their edges and trying to rip them apart.

His whole life, he never could have imagined feeling so... settled, so content with the swirls of light and darkness inside him. Luke had taught him that he had to fight the darkness and suppress it; Snoke had urged him to succumb fully to the dark. Never had he even dared to imagine that, perhaps, he might be allowed to heal the rifts running through his soul, unite the opposites.

Not until now.

It was tempting. Oh, so tempting... to believe. To hope.

And the longer he lay there, the more certain he became that there was only one way to dismantle both the First Order and the Resistance and achieve true balance.

But would Rey see the same truth? Would they stand united like his vision had shown him?

He didn't have the words to form an answer, but the hum of the bond finally lulled him to sleep.

*

It was over a month since Rey's daring escape and even more daring promise, and Ben hadn't visited her in almost two weeks. She could feel him at the edge of her perception like she always did, but even when she sought him out, there was no reply, apart from the ever-present sense of _'I'm here.'_ She was slowly beginning to worry.

She was on the bridge of the Resistance's lead cruiser, Leia with her, when the news reached them that the First Order had discovered them, and the fleet would reach them within an hour.

Her stomach clenched, and her heart beat in her throat. Well. That explained the silence...  
One look at Leia showed complete understanding. Their worst fear was about to become a reality.

Leia took her hand. "Hope," was all she said, believing with all her might.

"General!" Connix interrupted them, making them both flinch.

Leia visibly pulled herself together. "Yes? Is there anything else?"

"There's... Well. There was something floating towards the ship. We thought it was debris from that freighter that passed earlier, but it appears to be a pod."

Leia frowned. "What pod?"

"There's a man inside. In stasis. He was brought to med bay."

Rey didn't stay to hear where this discussion was going and ran. Stasis. He was in stasis. It had to be him. It _had_ to be.  
She only had fleeting thoughts about the how and why, and they were all drowned out by need to get there as quickly as she could to see if it truly was Ben. Thinking about why he had come or how he had managed to get here in a pod and in stasis... didn't bear thinking about. She also hoped that there wasn't anyone in med bay who would recognise him on sight.

That hope was shattered when she could hear both Finn _and_ Poe argue loudly with the doctor through the closed door.

Again, she didn't stop to think, burst into the room, and froze in the frame when Poe and Finn reflexively pointed their blasters at her before they lowered their weapons again.

" _Hey_!" the doctor yelled at them, less than impressed. "If you don't put your weapons away, _right now_ , I will have you removed from med bay." She glared them both into the ground. "Am I making myself clear?"

While Finn and Poe were distracted by the doctor, Rey approached the coffin-like pod. There was no way it was anyone else inside, was there? Not when she had done the exact same thing. The exact same _stupid_ thing.  
One more step, and she could see his face. "Ben..." She laid her hand next to the transparent section revealing his sleeping face.

"Rey!" Finn called, raising his weapon again. "Step back, he's dangerous!"

"He's in _stasis_!" the doctor yelled back. "And he can't remain that way for long, because from the looks of things, he's been in there for..."

"Two weeks," Rey said. "He's been in there for two weeks."

Poe and Finn frowned at her. "How do you know that?" Poe asked, sounding as if he didn't really want to hear the answer at all.

Rey didn't return their questing looks and instead kept her attention on the doctor. "How can he be woken?"

The doctor shrugged. "With this kind of pod, you'd only have to open it, but those two..."

"You can't open it!" Finn interrupted her, then he turned to stare imploringly at Rey. "What are you even talking about? We can't wake him up! He's-"

"Classified," Poe finished his sentence. "He's classified." He took a deep breath and turned to the doctor. "I'm sorry doctor, but I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside."

The doctor leaned over the pod and stared at Poe. "I don't care who he is. He's my _patient_ , and he will not be harmed on my watch." She straightened and held his gaze. "You have half an hour, then I insist that he is removed from the pod. Alive."

"There's an attack about to happen, you know."

"Then I suggest you don't waste any time." She turned towards Rey. "Can I trust you to keep those two hotshots from harming my patient?"

There was pain in Rey' smile, but she did smile and nodded. "I will."

The doctor threw the other two a dirty look and left the room.

Rey only half heard the questions she was asked, but both Finn and Poe sounded worried.  
"Look," she interrupted their flow firmly, keeping her eyes on Ben's sleeping face. "This is going to be a long and weird story, but the General knows all about it. The important bit is that he saved my life twice." She finally looked up, searching first Finn's and then Poe's eyes. "And I need to know why he came and if he knows anything about the attack."

"Chances are, he's the reason they're here, anyway," Poe pointed out.

"How is that supposed to work?" Rey returned the question. "He's been in stasis for two weeks."

"And how do you know that?" This was Finn's question.

Rey's eyes lowered, and she licked her lips. Well. Nothing to it. "We're connected." At their confused frowns, she continued. "Through the Force. I can sense him and sometimes talk to him. And he's felt like this..." she waved her hand, vaguely, trying to indicate something intangible, "... for about two weeks."

Poe took a step back. "You have Kylo Ren inside your head?"

"Oh, it's not like that!" Rey exclaimed, frustrated. "It's just... I have to get him out now." She reached the locks before they could stop her, and the mechanism hissed and opened the cover.  
She wasn't surprised that Poe and Finn's weapons were now firmly pointing at the man in the pod again, and then they were lowered when they saw that he was not only sleeping but shackled into the pod. Not, Rey thought wryly, that this would keep him in there if he didn't want it to...  
She reached for his hand that lay tied down to his side and wrapped her fingers around it.  
"Ben?"

Behind her, Poe leaned closer to Finn. "Why does she keep calling him Ben?"

"Because he's Ben Solo," Finn replied grimly. "Or he used to be. I guess that would be another one of those classified bits..."

"You're kidding," Poe blurted out, and when Finn only shook his head solemnly, he added, "Shit."

Rey felt the hand beneath hers stir and searched the sleeping face for signs of waking.

First, there was a soft sigh, then the eyelids twitched before the eyes opened and looked directly at her.  
"Rey."

Rey tightened her hold on his hand, while he took stock of his surroundings. She found she had trouble breathing and was terrified of the question she would have to ask anyway.  
"Why are you here?"

Ben took his eyes off the weapons trained on him and focused on her. "I understand it now," he said softly, and Rey's breath hitched. "Everybody always told me how torn I was, how conflicted. But it wasn't conflict I felt, was it?"

Rey's vision blurred.

"It was balance," he completed the thought. "And all my life I was told to fight it."

Rey swallowed and blinked to let two tears escape and clear her vision. "And what are you planning to do now?" She had to know. She thought she could understand what he was saying, but she had to be sure.

"The opposing forces have to go, and there is only one way to dismantle both the First Order and the Resistance."  
The weapons that had been lowered just slightly, were not firmly pointing at his head again, but he just met the challenging stares of the two men with one of his own. "If there is no First Order, there is no need for a Resistance," he clarified.

Finn walked around to the other side of the pod and closer to the man inside. "Give me one good reason why I should believe you," he growled.

Ben studied him briefly and then once more turned to Rey. "Have I ever lied to you?"

Rey slightly shook her head and sought out Finn's eyes. "He hasn't. Even if it was something I didn't want to hear, he would tell me."

"And am I lying now?" Ben continued and spread the fingers of his hand, so that Rey's would slip in between, the Force and their bond humming through them contently.

Rey tightened her fingers, feeling nothing but truth radiate off him. "You're not," she said firmly. She straightened and let go of the hand, standing her ground, her eyes certain. "He's not lying," she told her friends.

Poe held her gaze for a long moment, but when she didn't falter even for a second, he sighed. "Alright," he said and holstered his gun. His jaw set, and he stepped up to the pod. "Well, here's your chance to prove it, _prodigal son_ ," he said sarcastically, "because we're about to be attacked."

Ben's eyes widened. " _What_? How long have I been in here?"

"Two weeks," Rey provided, and it also reminded her that she'd been worried for two weeks, and that whatever stupid stunt he must have pulled to stay in this thing for so long even surpassed hers in rashness when _she'd_ done it... She scowled at him but waved a hand to undo his shackles.

Finn breathed in sharply and tightened his hold on his gun; Poe's hand just twitched.

Ben's eyes wandered from his now free limbs to the two men and to Rey... then he sat up slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements.

Rey didn't have such qualms and hit him in the chest once he sat with his legs dangling off the side of the pod. "You _idiot_! Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? I was _worried_ about you!" She hit him again for good measure, and he captured her right hand in his left, holding it gently.

He brought the hand to his lips and kissed the backs of her fingers, his eyes never straying from hers. Then he placed her now open hand over his heart, covering it with his own.

"That's cheating," she accused him, and his eyes lit up with humour, before he let go of her hand with one last press with his own and looked at Poe.

"You were saying something about an imminent attack?"

Finn cut in before anyone else could say anything. "Are we really doing this? Are we really going to trust this guy?" he asked incredulously, walking back around so that he no longer stood behind their captive's back.

Ben followed him with his eyes. "Finn, is it?"

Finn narrowed his eyes and stared him down, all but daring him to dig up his old name. "Yes."

Ben nodded once. "Finn, you must admit that I am quite the trump card in this match."

Rey was about to tell the lot of them that they really didn't have the time for a stand-off like that, when they were interrupted by a ship-wide communication.

_"Prepare all fighters for departure in thirty minutes. Command personnel and pilots, report to war room one."_

Ben tilted his head. "That does sound imminent," he remarked. "Is there a plan?"

Poe shared a look with Finn and Rey and made a decision. "A make-shift one. We're not exactly ready for a full-scale attack."

"Neither is the First Order, I assure you," Ben said. "They have begun to rebuild the fighter squad, but cruisers and star destroyers take more time. I can only assume they're attacking now because Hux has finally decided that I'm no longer in his way."

"Right..." Poe thought fast. "So they're basically leaderless, except for Hux who doesn't count." He read Ben's expression for a moment and then asked Rey, "You're sure about this?"

"I'm sure."

Poe nodded and said, "Alright, Junior. Let's go, then." He crooked his fingers at Ben to follow him and turned to go, but before he opened the door, he added, "Since hardly anyone would recognise you on sight, I guess we can all agree that... _Kylo Ren_ never came on board this ship."

"I leave that decision to you," Ben said and turned around to look at Finn who was behind him. "But you should probably take my light sabre from the pod..."

Finn flinched a bit when he took the sabre that had almost killed him, but then he tied it to his belt and hurried after the others.

When they passed the hangar on their way to the war room, Rey saw Ben scanning the squadron.

"What's your estimate?" she asked him.

"They outnumber you about three to one."

"That's not too bad," she said and shrugged, making Ben smile a bit.

"I agree," was Poe's opinion. "They don't exactly have ace fliers." He modified that thought and glanced at Ben. "Except for you."

Ben didn't look like he knew what to make of a compliment, so he just said, "Thank you," and left it at that. "They don't train natural flyers. They want soldiers who follow orders without question. Whoever gets high marks in flying aptitude tests ends up on a fighter."

Finn harrumphed. "You don't exactly have a high opinion of your army."

"They're not my army. It was always Hux's program; I was in favour of clones." He raised an eyebrow at Finn. "And you rather prove my point."

They reached the war room, and Poe opened it. "You should probably stay in the back somewhere until we figure out what to do with you," he told Ben and strode inside. Finn followed him after another uneasy look at the unwanted intruder.

Rey reached for Ben's hand again, while he peered into the room, hesitant to take the last step inside.  
"Are you okay?" she asked him, watching his shallow breathing and his skin lose its colour.

He swallowed and nodded.

"Ready?" was her second question.

"No." But he stepped inside anyway. It only took a second for his eyes to find his mother's, and his chest constricted. She sat next to a projection of the First Order command ship, and her gaze full of pain and longing cut through him more thoroughly than anger and disappointment ever could have.

"Ben," Rey startled him out of his reverie. She had let go of his hand and was gently rubbing his arm a few times. When he managed to look at her, she smiled. "It'll be alright. I promise."

He took a fortifying breath and nodded.

She returned the nod and went to the centre of the room to join the General who now smiled a watery smile at her.

"Alright, everyone," Poe said, loudly, "we don't have much time, so let's get this show on the road. We are ill-prepared with an ill-prepared enemy. They outnumber us, so we'll need every fighter out there." At that, he briefly shared a look with the General who seemed torn. "The plan today is to take out their fighters. All of them if possible. Then we haul ass to regroup, refuel, and whip up an actual plan of attack, to which they won't have a decent defence anymore." He sought out all the eyes of their fighter pilots. "We currently have enough fuel to play the game with them we played last time. We'll keep this ship and the other two cruisers out of their range after the fighters are launched, so we don't have to deal with their big guns. And they won't expect us to fly fighters out of range of the mother ship." He locked eyes with Ben who tilted his head, pondering, but apparently agreeing.  
"Any questions so far?"

One hand came up. "Yes, sir. Who will lead the Red Squad?

Poe turned searchingly to Leia, but she just shook her head, holding her staff tighter. "This is flyboy territory, Poe. Your decision." Her knuckles turned white, as if it took all her strength to not dart across the room and fold her boy into an embrace and never let go.

"Right..." Poe said and took a deep breath. He held out his arm and gestured towards the back of the room. "Captain Solo will lead the Red Squad."

Rey beamed at Ben who seemed frozen in place.

"Anything useful to add, Captain?" Poe asked, visibly having fun with unsettling the usually unshakeable.

That woke Ben out of his stupor. "Yes." He followed the invitation and stepped to the front, leaning close to Poe.  
"When the First Order is down," Ben murmured to Poe (thought both Rey and his mother could hear him), "you can have the _captain_ back, because I'll disappear and want nothing more to do with any side of this conflict."

"Done deal," Poe said, grinning.

Ben released his breath and manipulated the controls of the projection, turning the ship around. "There's a secondary hangar in the back, here." He pointed at it. "They like to release a fifth of the fighters with a slight delay, so that they can manoeuvre them to attack the enemy from behind. I suggest we torpedo that hangar before the fighters can take off to even out the numbers a bit more."

Poe nodded. "Sounds good. You can take your squad to take care of that. Anything else?"

Ben thought fast. "The flight formations. Your flight formations are usually very tight," he said, now addressing the whole room. It was odd, having a room full of people looking at him with hope and not fear... "You should loosen the formation a little. Not enough so that you won't be able to provide backup to your squad, but far enough that the enemy won't be able to keep track of all of you at the same time. First Order pilots are trained to recognise your formations, so deviate only just enough from that to... unsettle them." Several grins met his gaze. "And I don't suppose I have to say this to experienced flyers, but don't get separated. If you get singled out, you're dead."

"And if you _do_ get singled out," Poe took up where Ben finished, "do something crazy and unpredictable. Might work." His eyes roamed over the assembled pilots. "More questions?"

Another hand came up. "What if they track us again when we jump to light speed?"

"Honestly, we hope they'll be too busy licking their wounds to think about following us..."  
That didn't exactly inspire confidence, and Ben apparently agreed.

"I might be able to do something about that," he said, gauging Poe's reaction.

"Remotely?" Poe asked for clarification.

"Yes."

Poe nodded, slowly and somewhat sceptically. "Would be nice not to rely on luck for a change. Come back alive and work your magic, then." He gave him a look that stated something along the lines of, _'You're a dangerous asshole but currently awfully useful. And I don't think I like it.'_ He left it at that and addressed his pilots again:  
"Any more questions?" When no more hands were raised, he concluded the meeting: "Alright everyone. Suit up, and get your fighters in the air!"

Rey watched Ben and his mother exchange another brief look, and her heart ached for both of them. Then Ben strode out of the room, not indulging in any more hesitation.  
She sent the General a firm nod and a brave smile, letting her know without words that she would do everything in her power to bring Ben back. And only once she turned to leave did she notice Chewie stepping out of a dark corner and towards the woman who would always be a princess to him. Rey still wasn't very good at reading his expression, but he appeared as torn as the General.  
Rey nodded at him too and left to get into a suit herself.

When she was ready and entered the hangar, Ben was talking to his squad. He was clearly uncomfortable and just as clearly studying his team closely, evaluating their strengths and weaknesses. They all dispersed with nods, and Ben turned to his fighter, helmet in hand.

"Ben!" she called out, suddenly infused with the cold dread that he could be ripped from her as quickly and suddenly as he'd finally shown up.

He waited for her as she jogged over, a hint of a smile playing around his lips. "Worried about me, scavenger?"

She frowned at him. "Yes, actually," she said angrily, though the anger fled as soon as it had zapped through her. "I still can't..." her voice faltered. "I still can't believe you're here, and now we're going out there, outnumbered three to one, and I need to _talk_ to you, there's so much I need to say and want to hear..."

He gently took her hand in his. "Rey. Don't be afraid."

"Easy for you to say..."

"Is it? It was what held me back. Fear. Fear of pain, fear of the past, fear of losing you..." He pulled her closer. "And then I recognised the truth, Rey from Jakku."

Her eyes were wide open and hopeful. It made him smile.

"No matter what happens, I will always be with you." This was the first time he spoke those words out loud, but he recognised their bond for what it was now. It had been around almost for as long as he remembered, pulling and lulling, making him search for something – something he didn't know but knew he _needed_. And then it had sung to him the first time they'd met, the first time their minds had touched.  
"We are one with the Force."

"The Force is with us," Rey replied without thinking.

Their time slowed down as if they were only speaking through their bond. All the sounds around them were drowned out by their breathing and their heartbeats.  
He leaned down to her, and she met him halfway

It wasn't a promise, this time. It was just a kiss. A joining of souls that had been building for longer than either of them could have realised.

When they parted, the sounds around them roared back, and Rey smirked at him.

"Try to come back in one piece, anyway," she said cheekily.

It startled a laugh out of him. "I will," he promised, kissed her one more time and added, "You too."

"I will," she agreed, then she grinned darkly. "Let's do some damage."

He returned the grin in complete accord. Then they were off.

Only once he was in the cockpit, holding his helmet and about to put it on did he pause for a second, looking at the Resistance symbol on the next helmet he was about to wear.  
"The irony is not lost on me..." he murmured and put it on.

Damage. Damage he could to.

~

And damage they did do.

It was a new experience for Ben, flying in such a formation with people who didn't just execute orders but gave input and even asked if he was alright after a particularly close call. He'd known of course that the dynamic in the Resistance was very different to the First Order, but finding himself in the middle of it was still... disconcerting.

But what he saw wasn't all _light_ , either. Over the comms he heard anger and worry and hatred and fiery spirit and... blinding hope. A cacophony of life and death, joy and despair.

Whereas in the First Order, the only emotions that he had ever felt – if anyone around him even allowed it – were greed, hunger for power, and gaping, lifeless emptiness.  
It was pitiful compared to the plethora of colours and life, rising up against the suppression of light.

The fight didn't take long, the First Order pilots no match for the Resistance. A fact that Kylo Ren would have been well aware of, but that General Hux apparently didn't see or didn't want to see.

Ben lost two fighters in his squad. A good result by any measure, but still tasting stale in the back of his throat.  
Aware that he still had something else to take care of before the fleet would be safe, he pushed that thought back, returned as quickly as he could, brought his fighter to an almost screeching halt in the hangar and jumped out, looking for the nearest viewport that showed the First Order lead ship.  
He laid his hand on the transparent section and closed his eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Ben recognised the voice as Finn but didn't open his eyes. "Taking out the tracker," he said curtly. "Let me know when all the fighters are back and get ready for the jump to light speed."

Ben trembled, trying to find it again. Trying to find the invaluable and precious gift he had left behind to give Rey (and it was for Rey that he had initially done it, not for the Resistance) the head-start she might need. He knew it was there... he could sense it at the edge of his perception, just out of his reach...  
"I need help," he blurted out.

"What?" Finn's voice came from much closer than he'd expected. "What do you need?"

Ben shook his head. "Not you. Rey. I need Rey." He could still hear fighters come in and hoped that Rey was among them.

"Rey!" Finn called out. "Over here!"

Frustrated, Ben ripped off the glove on his right hand and put the hand on the viewport again. How could this be so close and so far at the same time?

He wasn't sure if Rey had sussed out what he was doing or if she acted on instinct, but as soon as she was by his side, she placed her hand on his. He smiled, removed his hand so that he could cover hers instead, both hands lying against the black canvas of space.

"What do you need?" she whispered.

"The broken sabre you took with you," he said just as softly. "It's missing a crystal. Help me find it."  
First, he could sense her smile, and then, after only a second, he could sense her heartbeat slow and her breaths drown out the sounds around them. It centred him, centred them both.

And then there it was: clear as day and within reach of both their essences as if it was floating right before them. Cracked but powerful, beautiful and dangerous.

The dull voice of Finn informed them that all fighters were back.

"What are we doing?" Rey asked, not sure she was saying it out loud.

"We're going to release its power."

Ben reached for everything between and around himself and Rey, and together, they sent their combined power towards it, into the crack and widening it. They could see how the light within longed to break free along the seams, making the crystal whine and roar from the power that split it apart.

Then there was a deafening crack and a blinding light from within them, and they were both propelled backwards with a gasp and wide eyes.  
The noise around them returned as if they had taken their heads out of the water.

Ben looked around for the man who was once a stormtrooper. " _Now!_ " he called loudly, and Finn passed the message on.

Two seconds later, the enemy disappeared from the viewport, leaving only light speeding past them.

Finn was next to them in an instant, seeking Rey's eyes but also tentatively flickering to Ben's.  
"Did it work? What did you do?" he asked Rey.

"I think... Ben planted an unstable crystal...?"

He briefly smiled at her, then faced Finn. "I seem to remember this was your plan."

"What? You... what? Shut off the tracker?"

Ben nodded. "I couldn't turn it off remotely, but I could leave behind a crystal with a distinctive power signature we would both recognise, and... destabilise it further." He raised an eyebrow at Rey whose grin widened. "There would have been a message for you in my pod, in case I didn't make it."

"I think I like having you on my team a lot more than off it..." she said wryly.

"Wouldn't destroying the tracker or the power source just switch to the backup?" Finn asked.

"I may have fiddled with those protocols a bit," Ben admitted. "For safety reasons, you understand," he added sarcastically. "It now takes the system, oh, about thirty seconds to check that the power outage won't affect any other major systems, before it takes another tracker online."

"Huh. Anything else you sabotaged?"

Ben considered that. "Not directly. But Hux doesn't know I'm here. That means he also doesn't know he shouldn't use my tactics or formations."

Finn studied him for a long, uncomfortable moment. "I don't like you one bit," he said, pointing at him. "And I don't trust you any further than I can throw you, but what you did today was... useful."

Before Ben could deign that with a reply, they were interrupted.

"Captain Solo," Poe called, walking towards them, clearly still on a post-flight high but weary around their guest as well. "General Organa wishes to speak to you."

The dread Ben had felt before entering the war room before the fight was now back in full force. He must have given off waves of fear, because Rey gently took his hand, doing nothing but standing by his side.

"She's waiting for you," Poe added.

Ben tried to remind himself that, even though he had abandoned the position, he was still technically the ruler of the galaxy, and rulers of the galaxy weren't scared of their mothers. The fact that he knew quite well that he wasn't afraid of his mother but of his own past deeds that he would have to face when facing her didn't help.  
He nodded once and turned to get back to the war room, never letting go of Rey.

"And Solo," Poe called after him. "Good flying today."

Ben only nodded. It would have to do for the time being.

He and Rey didn't speak until they were in front of the door, and then Rey let go of his hand.

"I'll wait for you here," she said, holding his anxious eyes with hers. She didn't say anything else, and Ben took one deep breath and opened the door, flinching when it closed again behind him.

His mother sat in the same chair she had been in before. For an infinite moment they watched each other, Ben unable to move and his mother smiling slowly.

"Captain," she said, nodding at him and smiling wryly.

He tried to reply with her title, but the word caught in his throat.

Her eyes glistened, attempting to contain all the emotions rolling inside her and failing miserably. Finally, she let go of her staff, leant it against the table next to her... and held out her arms.

Ben's numb limbs spurred into action without him consciously thinking about it, and he rushed to her, only to crumble into a heap by her feet, sobbing uncontrollably with his head in her lap.

Leia wrapped one arm around his back and the other hand wove into his hair, holding him close, before she folded over him, kissing the top of his head.  
"Ben..." she whispered.

It was the only word spoken for a long time, both just allowing tears they had kept hidden for too long. Ben clung to his mother's robe like he remembered doing when he was just a small child after a nightmare, and she gentled her hand over his hair like she wished she had done more.

"I missed you," she said once her son's tears had subsided into rough breathing.

Ben buried his face and shook his head. "I don't deserve to speak the words I want to say," was all he could force out.

Leia just smiled. "Today is not the day for words," she told him, framed his face and urged him to look at her. When she had his undivided attention, she elaborated: "There will be time for talks. Long talks," she added after a small pause, spelling a tiny smile onto his face. "But today, I got my son back, and I just want him to know how much I love him."

"I love you too."

She smiled at him. "I think that's enough for now."

Ben laughed a watery and shaky laugh. "We were never very good at this, were we?"

Leia ruefully shook her head and then pulled him into another hug.  
"I also think that you should get some rest. From what I've heard, you've been in stasis for two weeks, flew an attack, and then remotely blew up an invaluable kyber crystal. You must be exhausted."  
She pushed him back to look at his face and run her hand through his hair again.

His eyes were warm but sombre when he replied. "I've had worse days."

She sighed deeply. "Yeah. Me too." Then she smiled again, dismissing the dark thoughts. "Get some rest," she repeated. "I want to see your brilliant strategic mind at work tomorrow." She inclined her head. "Captain."

Ben's lips twitched. "Yes, General." He stood, framed her face, and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight, mother."

"Goodnight, Ben."

~

Outside, Rey sat on the floor against the wall and stood the moment the door opened.

"Hey," she said hesitantly. "Everything alright?"

He just nodded and wordlessly pulled her into a tight hug. Only when his embrace loosened from sheer exhaustion that he could no longer deny however much he wanted to, she let him go again.

"Are you hungry?"

He shook his head. "I don't think I could eat."

"Do you think you could sleep? From the looks of things, staying awake might be the bigger challenge..."

He closed his eyes only for a moment. "I could sleep."

She smiled at him and took his hand. "Come on, then. You can stay with me."

"Don't want to let me out of your sight?" he teased her, though it lacked his usual fire.

"Damn right I don't."  
She brought him to her quarters – well, tiny room with a bunk – and only then realised that he didn't have anything to wear for bed.  
"Uhm..." she looked at him. "You can just... undress. It'll be fine."

He was obviously very tempted to do just that and sleep for a week, but... "Are you sure?"

"You will be asleep the moment your head hits the pillow, and we both know it."

"You're not wrong."

She smiled. "Just get in bed. I'll be with you in a bit. I think I need some tea first," she explained ruefully and turned to the corner where she had set up a small pot just for that.  
When her tea was ready, she quickly peeked over her shoulder, and Ben was already in bed, under the cover and asleep. She sat down, drank her tea, and watched his chest rise and fall slowly, the reality of the situation finally catching up with her.

"I can't believe you came," she whispered, barely audible. Incredulously happy, she shook her head in amazement.

She finished her tea and got ready for bed, and despite her usual habit, she put on a long shirt. Well. Kissing and having someone in your head was one thing, but this was a bit more – her gaze went to his bare chest – solid.

When she approached the cot, she first reached out with the Force, letting him know that it was her with him, that he was safe. She knew better than to startle someone who was trained in combat in their sleep...  
But when her body followed her essence, he just instinctively made room for her and wrapped her in his arms, never waking. And Rey let his warmth and their bond cradle her. Sleep wasn't far behind.

He would still be here in the morning. She smiled, half asleep. He would _be_ here.

*

He woke first, the last tendrils of a tranquil dream still tickling him. He'd been somewhere he knew, where he was breathing fresh air, where there was birdsong in the air and ancient history around him, Rey by his side. Like he'd seen her in his vision, only more... More vibrancy, more texture, a plethora of scents, and the sounds of a little girl playing with pebbles by the shore of a calm lake.

At first, he didn't want to let go of the dream, still certain in his half-sleep that he would open his eyes and be on a First Order cruiser, only dreaming of possibilities he was not strong enough to pursue.  
But then the past day with its overwhelming myriad of emotions and sensations came crashing back, and he became aware enough of his surroundings to feel the warm body in his arms and the sleeping spirit that went with it.

He opened his eyes, and she was there, sleeping trustfully.

He raised one hand to tenderly run his fingers over the side of her resting face, and then he could sense it in her mind: the edges of that very same dream, shifting slowly into wakefulness and into a reality that was just as welcoming and welcome.

Rey opened her eyes. "You're here," she murmured, meeting his hand with hers and entwining their fingers. "You're real."

"I'm here. I'm real." He kissed her fingers, never taking his eyes off hers.  
They were ensconced in touches and each other's spirits, the Force humming peacefully between them, almost sentient in its palpable contentment, playfully swirling back and forth between their fingers. 

Rey sleepily smiled at their joined hands. "I don't think the Force has ever been this happy with me."

Ben had to smile at the sense and nonsense in that statement. "I don't think the Force has an opinion on the matter..."

"Yeah?" Rey replied, her eyes suddenly clear of the last fog of sleep. "Remember when we were fighting over that light sabre? It was _not_ happy with us then."

Ben studied her calmly . "I think it may have been mostly angry with me."

"No," she shot back immediately. "It was both of us. I could feel it." She lowered her gaze for a second. "Well, I can tell _now_. I didn't listen then," she added softly.

Ben could tell too, even though he didn't understand why the Force would have been mad at her when he was the one out to destroy everything. He didn't speak, however, and just breathed deeply, letting it go and accepting what he could sense now.  
He loosened the hold on her hand and curiously explored her fingers with his, enjoying the minute shudder that ran through her.  
"I guess this means we're on the right track, then..." he mused.

"Ben." Rey tightened the hold again and made him look at her. "I don't care about a track or destiny or anything else the Force has... I don't know... orchestrated. I'm here because I want to be. Don't ever think otherwise."

Ben smiled. "I know."

"I love you," Rey said, giving words to the natural complexity she felt in the only way she knew how.

"As I love you." This truth he knew better than to deny. She felt as he did; her love for him was as his was for her. And, finally, it was enough.

They smiled and came together as one, every fibre of their beings knowing that this was what they had been longing for, what the galaxy and his folly had tried to deny them. Their bond no longer invaded their minds, it engulfed them, united them, now that they allowed it.

This time, their kiss didn't end, their bodies seeking the same union that their minds and the Force had already achieved. They let their eyes and hands wander and marvel at what they discovered. The last bits of clothing that separated them soon disappeared; her nightshirt and his trousers that he hadn't dared to remove the night before.

Their trembling bodies joined amongst sighs, moans, and whimpers. Whispered and sobbed words of beauty and love filling the small room.

He cradled her gently as he moved inside her, drinking up her ecstasy and caressing her quivering, wet folds with his fingers in time with his thrusts. He watched her as she came undone, her eyes wide and dark, with his name on her lips.

His vision blurred at the beauty of it, and he hardly noticed his own climax as the first sob shook him, while he was still joined intimately with her, riding out his orgasm.  
"Rey..." It was less than a sob and more than a whisper, and she wrapped her arms around his head, holding him securely as he cried into her neck.

How close had he come to never know this? How could he have ever let anyone make him believe that power to rule could hope to compare to the power of a union such as theirs? How could he have ever believed he could stomp out this spark? That he would even want to?

She carded her hand through his hair, whispering again of her love for him.

"I'm sorry." The words came from so deep within him that he hadn't been sure they would ever surface. "So many things could have been avoided if only I'd listened to you."

Unbeknownst to him, her eyes were both hard and warm as she answered. "Listening wasn't enough. We both had to learn."

In the light of her love, his stupidity seemed even more stale.

"You made many mistakes, Ben," she told him. "Not all of them yours."

He lifted his head to look at her, and she laid a hand on his cheek.

"Some mistakes were your family's who didn't know what to do with such a powerful boy who was so very different from them. Snoke took that beautiful boy and twisted a knife into his soul. And... I was impatient, expecting you to fulfil an image I had seen without giving you the time to grow into it at your own pace." 

Ben wouldn't let that stand. "You... did absolutely nothing wrong," he insisted.

She smirked benignly, and her eyes sparkled with humour. "Yeah, not much anyway."

The tight spring in his chest uncoiled and to his own surprise made him laugh. They met in a joyful kiss.  
"You waited for me," he brushed the words over her lips.

"Always."

He smiled at her, for the moment not having a care in the galaxy, and she looked at him as if he was a miracle laid bare before her.

"I've only seen you this happy once..." She frowned a bit as she tried to remember where and when.

He just smiled. "You've had the same dream as me."

Her eyes widened in recognition. "Oh... Yes," she breathed. "I remember. The planet."

He nodded encouragingly.

"It was beautiful. So much green, so much water. And... amazing buildings in the distance with glistening and colourful windows..."

"My grandmother's home planet," he said, enjoying her description of what he'd only seen once as a boy. "I'll take you there, one day, if you like."

She grinned. "If I like?" She laughed a bit and brushed a finger over his lips. "I think we already know that you will."

Ben kissed her finger, closed his eyes, and sighed. Hesitant, he opened them again.  
"There was something else there. Did you see it? By the lakeside?"

Her cheeky grin softened, and she studied him carefully. "I saw her."

His breath caught, and she kissed him.

"All we'll ever need," Rey told him with a wry smile that he returned, understanding perfectly.

"Hope."

Their watery smiles were interrupted by a loud bang.

"Hey!" Poe's voice called through the door. "You guys awake?"

Rey rolled her eyes. "Yes!"

"You decent?"

"No!" she called back, bursting into giggles at the absurdity of the situation. Ben hid his grin in her shoulder.

That gave Poe some pause. "Get in gear. We have a meeting in half an hour, and you should get some food into you. Apparently, you need it."

It made her laugh even louder, and even Ben chuckled against her chest.

Rey cupped his face and made him look up. "You hungry?"

He grinned darkly. "Ravenous."

She snorted. "Let's get some food then, so you don't pass out in front of the General."

~

They prepared for the day, found some rations, and sat against the wall in a corridor close to war room one, demolishing them. Mess halls weren't exactly a top priority at the moment, and they didn't have the time for a leisurely breakfast anyway.

"I can't wait to get some real food again," Rey informed him.

Poe walked up to them, grinning. "Give the starving girl food for a few months, and already she relies on it," he teased her good-naturedly.

She kicked him in the shin for his efforts.

Poe studied them both for a moment, his eyes darting from one to the other and back. "Man... you two really couldn't be any more obvious if you didn't have a bedroom door..."

Ben's lip twitched, and Rey blushed furiously and tried to kick Poe again, but he jumped out of the way, laughing.

"Easy, Rey," he said grinning. "I'm just... very, very reluctantly... giving you my blessing. Or something." His eyes found Ben's. "You had better not fuck this up, buddy. Because if you do, I won't care what powers you have; you'll go down."

"Noted," Ben said, and whatever Poe read in his expression, he was apparently satisfied with it and gave a single nod.

"Good." With that, he turned around and entered the war room.

Ben tilted his head at Rey. "Am I to expect the same speech from some more of your friends?"

"Probably all of them," Rey confirmed ruefully.

"Will you blush every time?" he wanted to know impishly. He laughed when she kicked him and returned the kick with a kiss.

Rey finished her drink and got to her feet, looking down at him. Then she held out a hand.

He took it and let her pull him up.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Yes," was the answer today. "Let's finish this war and go home."

They entered the room side by side, purposefully and united.

Inside, the command crew was expecting them. And unlike the day before, today, the General wasn't sitting but standing proudly in the middle of the room and smiling widely at them.

"Rey, Ben," she greeted them. "Good of you to join us."

They both mirrored her straight stance, Ben respectfully inclining his head.

"General," he said firmly, no longer wavering in her presence or his purpose.

Leia's smile widened. "Let's get to work," she declared the meeting open.

She was met with a room full of bright eyes, lit with hope.

 

**END**

**P.S. If you liked my writing, please be on the lookout for[my novels](https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/14553988.Ursula_Katherine_Spiller) ♥**

****

  
My fandom tumblr is [here](http://sorion.tumblr.com/) :)


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